It is not the situation that hurts us; it is ourselves, our reactive system.   

There are two systems when dealing with situation humans has, a reactive system and a responsive system. 

The reactive system is the first reaction that arrives once you encounter the situation—e.g. the urge to shout or anger at your loved one when upset. In contrast, the responsive system is the mature part of you, the rational, thoughtful, patient self. It is the part of you that stop you from shouting and saying something that you will regret and instead calm you down and give you the reasons why you should respond rationally—you pause and reflect before responding. 

Why is it so essential to understand these two systems? 

It is vital because winning over your reactive system and mastering your responsive system can save you from ruining your jobs and relationships, destroying your character and hurting your life with your irrational reactive actions. Instead, you can tap into the rational part of you to turn the disaster situation into an opportunity. 

How do you win over the reactive part of yourself and master your responsive self? 

It all comes down to self-awareness In every circumstance, including the up and the down, the high and the low. 

First, you must be aware of the reacting system and the situation that triggers it. 

First, we must know what triggers the reacting self the most. When, where, and how the situation happens? What emotion makes the reactive system tend to produce and cling to? Is it anger, frustration, sadness, and fear? 

When you know what triggered the reactive system, you observe its nature and the internal activities, including the emotions, senses, thoughts and what actions it urges the body to take, e.g. crying or shouting or acting passive-aggressive. 

When you have every reason to get exploded with a surge of emotion, and the moment you get triggered, you choose to observe, learn, study, be careful, and take the time to breathe. Studies show that “Deep, controlled breathing with extended exhalation stimulates the vagus nerve, causing a fall in heart rate and blood pressure and when practised regularly, feelings of calm and relaxation.”

The time that every part of your system sends you the signal to react, but you choose to respond with nothing but calm breathing and observing the internal activities. 

You let it be and only observe. Observe and breathe. You closely watch the inner nature and feelings of the reacting part of yourself. Yes, it will feel uncomfortable because that is its nature. But that’s precisely the point; you observe its beings instead of allowing them to explode to the outside world and, in return, negatively affect your life. 

Second, strengthen your self-awareness, and continue observing the reactive self. 

Successfully observing and stopping your reactive system from exploding to the outside world does not mean your reactive system will disappear. It’s there doing its job. But you do not get involved or reinforce it in any way. As you do nothing to strengthen its power and only observe and breathe, the by-product of observing and breathing is that the reacting self will gradually settle down, cease, and ease. 

As you rise above and beyond the reactive system regularly, gradually, it will take a shorter time to cease. 

Understand that by not following your reactive system and observing its nature, you align yourself with the responsive system; you choose to pause and observe before taking action and automatically strengthen the responsive system. As you choose the responsive part of you, you strengthen your awareness and high consciousness, which can support your responsive system. Gradually your responsive system influences the reactive system, and progressively the reactive system will have less influence and power over you. Gradually the reactive system will become part of the awareness and the high consciousness. 

When you understand the nature of the reactive system and overcome it, you live your life free from the mercy of your irrational self and have full access to your self-control and the most intelligent part of your system. 

Instead of reacting to the triggered situation, your responsive system will study the problems and focus on solutions. As circumstances do not massively affect you internally, you have the power, time and energy to observe, learn, study, contemplate the problem and find the best solution to solve it. 

Learn to be present, and focus on seeing each circumstance’s opportunities, not scarcity.

It is essential to practice seeing the bright sides of each situation. Learn to focus on optimistic thoughts. 

It does not mean that the mind (the reactive system) will stop producing negative thoughts; it means that you are aware of the ideas and thoughts to select and choose the views that serve you. 

For example, instead of choosing I am the worst, choose I made mistakes; what and how can I learn from these mistakes? What is this trying to teach me? The possible solutions will start coming to your mind. 

This is how you unlock your life and positively change your life from the inside to the out, from the consciousness to solving problems and manifesting happy, healthy and wealthy life. 

 Find out more about how you can master your negative stories of the mind